VOICE From the blockbuster franchise that
nobody loves, but everybody likes enough that they won't change the
channel when it's on cable, comes the sequel that kinda sounds like a
VOICE (CONT'D) Wait, they've made five of these
VOICE (CONT'D) Prepare for the biggest hit of this
street racing franchise...because it got rid of all the street-
VOICE (CONT'D) Now it's a heist film on wheels,
orchestrated by Vin Diesel...a passable action hero...
VOICE (CONT'D) Who this time must match wits with
a far more charismatic action hero: The Rock...Who's jacked up on baby
VOICE (CONT'D) Together they'll crank up the NOS
on all the things you've come to expect from a Fast & Furious movie,
like...
.
VOICE (CONT'D) Mumble-growls..
Wughgh kinda counting on it I remember everything about my faaather
VOICE (CONT'D) And overt homoeroticism.
VOICE (CONT'D) To pull off one last job...Dom will need to gather everyone's favorite
VOICE (CONT'D) The hunky mastermind
VOICE (CONT'D) The guy who can't speak English
VOICE (CONT'D) And the guy who's constantly
VOICE (CONT'D) Gear up to steal $100 million
dollars with the dumbest criminals ever, as they...
VOICE (CONT'D) Take off their masks during
VOICE (CONT'D) Go for leisurely strolls while all
of Rio's drug gangs are after them.
VOICE (CONT'D) And drag-race cop cars they just
stole down the middle of the street.
VOICE (CONT'D) These heroes will stop at nothing
to take down a sort-of ruthless drug lord, by...
VOICE (CONT'D) Destroying poor neighborhoods...
VOICE (CONT'D) Destroying rich neighborhoods...
VOICE (CONT'D) Killing 22 cops with a giant metal
safe...
VOICE (CONT'D) And ultimately leaving Rio in way
worse shape than they found it.
VOICE (CONT'D) So refuel and ride along while
these rebels break every law in the book...of physics...
VOICE (CONT'D) Weight differential!
Buckle up for the fifth film in the
franchise, that's technically the
fourth, since the events of Fast
Three take place after Fast Six,
making the third fast the sixth
depending on where Fast 7 ends up in the timeline--Hey look! Car boobs!
VOICE (CONT'D) UGH...we get it! You can nitpick movies!
CINEMA SINS VOICE Ah, fair enough.
CINEMA SINS VOICE Ah, fair enough.
VOICE (CONT'D) Thanks to the people at Cinema Sins.
VOICE (CONT'D) Be sure to subscribe.
"All your base are belong to us"